Halloween and sex!

Halloween is coming up at the end of the month, and I love it! When I was a kid the idea of dressing up and robbing my neighbors willingly of candy was pure heaven. I remember getting home way past my bedtime on a school night, and rummaging through my booty of pure sugar. Tootsie rolls, bubblegum, chocolate and the occasional regular sized candy bars the rich people handed out. Not those mini little itsy bitsy ones that come 1,000 in a bag.

 It was the stuff kids dream of, part fantasy (dressing up.) Part reality (eating enough candy to kill a town full of diabetics.)

Then as I got older, Halloween stopped being magical for me. You know that awkward age where you're too young to go to a real party, and too old to trick or treat. Of course at that age we all acted like we didn't care about trick or treating, it was for little kids...but deep down inside we all wanted to slip on that superman costume made out of some material that was more flammable than gas soaked cotton balls, and rob the neighbors one more time. Instead we sat at home and sulked on Halloween night, wondering where all these pimples were coming from, and why is there hair growing on my nads? Unless you are a female...then you probably never wondered that.

But I digress.

After those awkward teen years passed me by, I started to find a new found love for Halloween. Especially the Halloween party. The lights, the decorations, the over use of fog machines, and crappy music that we endure for one night a year. Come on, name one  night other than Halloween Michael Jackson's "Thriller" still passes as a good dance song?  "The Monster Mash?"  You'd kick a puppy if you heard that damn song played anytime but at a Halloween party.

 I still digress...sorry A.D.D. is a bitch.

So, Halloween...the night that once captivated me with candy as a kid.

Disowned me as a teenager,

has returned with a vengeance.

Why?

One word.

Sex.

Not that I get laid every Halloween. Nothing could be further from the truth. My wife takes no delight in my fantasy play of her getting it on with me in a gorrilla suit. I tried it once, and let me tell you, if you think costume rental places get mad for spilling wine on a mummy outfit, try explaining how you got spunk in your gorilla fur. Goodbye deposit!

No, when I say sex, I mean all the girls that use Halloween as an excuse to dress in as little as possible, and pass it off as a "costume."

Cops, nurses, devils...you name it.

Of course these cops nurses and devils are dressed perfectly, if the world was run by porn directors.

And I LOVE IT!

So thank you ladies, who embrace the spirit of Halloween by showing us all where babies come from, and where they feed. 

That's the spirit!

 Dressing like a slut doesn't count on Halloween..it's a "costume".

Remember that.

I hope to see you all at Zombiefest...dressed like ghosts, goblins and ghouls...

with your ass hanging out.

Boo!

-Bob.